


A Little Cruel

by cyberdefender



Category: Blaseball (Video Game)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:08:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29030676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberdefender/pseuds/cyberdefender
Summary: Nandy Slumps has grown a little cruel in her old age. She's working on it. But not enough to take a spire-fueled trip across the Pacific.
Relationships: Nandy Slumps & Gerund Pantheocide
Kudos: 5





	A Little Cruel

"That's outrageous, Obaasan. You can't've killed a god. What?" Pantheocide paced around the large kitchen, where pancakes lay half eaten on the counter. 

Nandy Slumps sat at the table, her feet up, her plate balanced on her chest. "I wasn't this old forever, kid. Hell, I rode dinosaurs to school- now those bastards had a temper. Not like this little fit you're having cuz Triumphant and I go way back." She took a bite of her pancakes. Blueberry, prepared by Batterino. Very good.

"You can't be that old. You only retired in the 20s. Unreasonable, but not impossible."

Nandy leaned forward. "Kid, I'll talk about Unreasonable. Olaf Unreasonable, pitcher for the Phoenix Ashes back in the day. Ironically very reasonable. Fella was almost as old as I am now. He was incinerated protecting Impossible Whopper, their star batter, and when he died, i was on the plate, see, cuz I batted-" 

Gerund rolled her eyes. She didn't think Nandy noticed, but she did. Of course she did. By her reckoning, you don't get old in Blaseball unless you're observant, and maybe a little cruel, although she tried to change that. Quitter was right, when they joined. The Lift were eaten alive that season. And they didn't need Nandy's negativity.

"And that's why I became a pitcher," Nandy finished. She knew the lie by heart, she's told it half a dozen times. 

"None of that changes the fact that I know you haven't killed a god, because I haven't killed a god."

Nandy took another bite of pancakes, and sat up straighter. Feet off the table, plate on. 

"Bet."

\--- 

It's downright unreasonably hard to get to the Lover's stadium. Nandy didn't even own any beanbags, so she just steered the Legscraper to San Francisco. The independent kingdom was several hours away and across an ocean, but she didn't want to have to buy a beanbag, so the team is going to San Fran. It was still morning in Tokyo, so going east did have drawbacks, but. Eh. It'd be fine.

"You know how I learned to drive these, right?"

Gerund pouted.

"No, I mean it. I sailed on an old fashioned Galleon, just faster than the Legs, with only a toe for company, and-"

This lie was almost true. A weird part of her life. When she was a dumb kid, really. Right after she killed the God, she just... sat on them. The legs, she means. The toe part was right, but she held it out on a string, heading east. Back home, far from the Moab.

"-so next time you hear about Typhoon season, think about good ol' Nandy and the good ship Sickness & Health."

San Francisco was another few long-winded stories away. A few true, a few lies, all annoying Gerund. The control room at the front of the Legscraper had great views, but she didn't need to stay. Nandy didn't know why. But Gerund seemed... not as annoyed as she let on. She didn't leave, and she didn't complain. She just rolled her eyes half-heartedly, and even smiled, when she thought Nandy wasn't watching. Good kid. Willing to listen to an old pitcher's stories. Wants to kill a god, but everyone does. It's not all it's cracked up to be, honestly.

There's a reason Nandy doesn't have any stories from the battle itself. Just the statement.  _ I killed a god, once, with Knight Triumphant, in the Moab. _

\---

The legs were fast. very fast. Nandy knew just how devastatingly quick they could be, and proximity to the Pit only made them faster. San Francisco wasn't nearly as far as it could be, and it's faster than a plane. But still, crossing the Pacific in a handful of hours, that was a feat. The sun stood still in the sky, which was probably great for the warmups happening in the stadium above. It was still morning when they crossed into San Francisco Bay.

And... Nandy forgot to call. As soon as her steering mechanism- the very same toe from all those years ago- was returned to its foot, the Legscraper made a break for the Polyhedron, and the god bits stored within. It bounded through San Fran, bumping into other buildings every so often and threatening to topple. Which couldn't be good for the practice then wrapping up on the stadium above.

"COMING THROUGH," came Nandy's voice through speakers attached to the outside of the structure. "SIR NANDY THE SLUMP ON HER WAY TO PROVE A POINT."

Gerund was long gone. Practicing, with the rest of the team. But soon she'd be back, if Nandy had to drag her down to Knight's apartment- or, more likely, wherever they're keeping the heart- personally.

She detached the toe again, stopping the Legscraper's rampage in its tracks. Using levers and cords and pulleys- honestly just a souped up version of the fishing pole that she used years ago- to put the massive vehicle into idle in a park that's just close enough. 

The journey took five hours. But seriously, it's better than buying a beanbag. A  _ beanbag _ .

\---

It didn't come to dragging. Knight Triumphant themself requested access to the Legscraper as soon as they heard where they parked. It wasn't every day that parts of the old god were brought this close together. In fact, it had been awhile. The Legscraper being what it was, it was often easier to just bring it overseas for home games, but usually they drove through Oregon, and during games with teams that have other parts, they parked on the outskirts of town due to the sheer... Well, what Nandy just let happen. 

So Knight was, of course, mad.

"I beseech thee to explain why thee have broughteth th-" Triumphant was good folk, but Nandy was on a mission. And thus:

"Shut up, come with me. I've got to gloat." She grabbed Knight by their wrist and hauled them up to Gerund's room.

"Why didn't thy just purchase a beanbag? They are quite comfortable, and an easy way to get in and out of the stadium."

"Easier to drive."

"Across the Ocean most Pacific? Doth thou be mad?"

"No, just angry."

Nandy knocked on Pantheocide's door. And Gerund answered, in pajamas with a pattern of little crossed out Parthenons. Seriously, this kid. It wasn't even four in Japan yet.

"Okay. they're here. I know that you two know each other. Is that all?"

She sounded annoyed, but Nandy knew the tone. Gerund only used it when she was curious about a story.

"Is that what this doth be about? The ancient pact to separate the corpse violated to prove that it existed? For shame."

"So there was a pact," said Nandy. "Because we did kill that god." She grinned evilly.

"Yes. Of course."

Gerund leaned on her doorframe. "Okay, so why isn't there a story?"

That made Nandy's smile falter. "A story? Kid, it was gruesome. You can go now, Knight. Thanks."

"Nandy 'Liege of Boasting' Slumps did not speak the saga of her greatest triumph? Astonishing," said Triumphant, and Nandy couldn't tell if they were being sarcastic or not.

"Seriously, go. Thanks, leave. Shoo" Nandy cringed. "Sorry. Just. This is between us."

"Fine. But get thy cursed legs out of my kingdom." And with that, they departed for the exit.

Gerund scratched her nose, moving to stand. "They're right, you know. You should tell the story more. I'm sure the team would like to know why we detour north every time we get near California."

Nandy cringed once again. "It's not pretty. It doesn't make me look good. I was a dumb kid, getting mixed up in magic beyond me."

"We're blaseball players, Obaasan. We're all mixed up in magic beyond us." She punched Nandy lightly on the arm. "I'll keep the secret if you want, though."

"That'd be super. 'Dliscord' the others that we're going back home."

Gerund rolled her eyes again. "It's just texting."

"Whatever. I'm going back to steer." Nandy grinned. "Say, actually, did you hear about Wumpus Dliscord? Batter, but not a great one, and-"


End file.
